


Get Back My Man

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Chilton abuse, Comedy, Crack, Inappropriate Humor, Multi, Nonsense, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Season/Series 03, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 02:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4943734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody answered my kinkmeme request therefore I decided to take a crack at it:</p><p>Matthew breaks out of jail/institution to get Will back. Even if it means learning Spanish and going to Argentina.</p><p>It's going to be a big bag of bizarre.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get Back My Man

“How does one say motherfucker in Spanish?” Matthew said to himself as he drove towards the meeting place, where his mysterious benefactor was waiting. The benefactor had helped arrange for his escape from the asylum and promised they‘d be going to Argentina to go after the pair Freddie Lounds called ‘The Murder Husbands” but who Matthew called “Will Graham and one dead asshole.” He had already figured out how to introduce himself by saying “Me llamo Matthew Brown” and how to ask where Will Graham was by saying, “Donde es Will Graham?” I guess I’ll just make do with other swear words, he thought. Besides, Hannibal understands English so that’s not a problem.

When he got out of the car at a run-down motel, he frowned at what looked like walking barbecue. It was only when it started talking that he realized it was Doctor Chilton. “What are you doing here?”

“You’re up for killing Hannibal, aren’t you?”

Matthew shrugged. “Sure, but what are you doing here?”

“I’m funding the venture so you have to take me with you.”

Matthew scoffed. “I hate to point this out but you don’t exactly blend in even with those skin grafts and those lip transplants.”

Chilton pulled something over his head which turned out to be a Mission Impossible type mask. He actually looked like his old self again.

“Huh, I’m impressed,” said Matthew.

“We’re not taking Hannibal alive. He needs to die . . . painfully.”

“Fine by me. All I ask is that you leave Will Graham to me.”

“You can have him but I need to kick him in the balls.”

“No, I need those balls. You may spank him.”

Chilton pouted.

***  
“I knew you were rich but I didn’t think you were this rich?” said Matthew as he looked at the inside of the private jet. 

“I’m not,” said Chilton as he sat down and put on his seat belt. “I harangued Alana into paying for this. She also has her own reasons for wanting Hannibal dead. However, she‘s giving ME the money, not you. You‘re just a subcontractor.”

“You really should’ve pushed for the death penalty, but noooooooo, you had to study his brain!” said Matthew. “What the hell is wrong with you people!”

“You know that he would’ve sat on death row for decades without ever getting the needle. Why didn’t YOU kill him?”

“I was shot. What’s YOUR excuse, loser!”

“You flapped your lips when you should’ve shot him.”

“At least I have lips, Mister Crispy.”

“I’m going to kill you!” screamed Chilton as he got out of his seat.

“Sit the hell down!” screamed the pilot. “Save your murderous impulses for Hannibal Lecter!”

Chilton screamed because the pilot was Miriam Lass.


End file.
